What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
