You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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