Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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