allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
