My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
