I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
