Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
