So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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