i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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