You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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