He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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