her vagine was all disorganized.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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