he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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