Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
COCAINE IS GR8
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
