he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
