my shit smells like andre
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
