it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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