well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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