erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
