Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
