I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
