Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
