my room smells like sperm. sweet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
