You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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