can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize