I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
