tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
