Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize