I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His nipple licking is glorious
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
