She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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