# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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