Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
