it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
