i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
