you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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