hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
