Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
