Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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