we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
