Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
