you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
