I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
