Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
