I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
