I seem to have left my pride at pride
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
