giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
