i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I deserve this hangover.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize