we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
