Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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