You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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