i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
