not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
