Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we're so committed to being not committed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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