just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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