Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
