I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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