Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
