I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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