I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
too bad you live with your parents still
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
