i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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