yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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