So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
