true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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