I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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