I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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