Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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