oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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