I think I am morally bankrupt
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize