He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found puke in my bra..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
