im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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