Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
