My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
