Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
