Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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