I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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